Monday...Blues?

I was annoyingly distracted at the restaurant of an issue that's been agonizing me this year. Due to my inability to halt a component in my system called 'feelings', I am therefore suffering the consequences. Closure has always been something I've had trouble achieving but finally rendering it as time goes by. Maybe its actually denial, rather than closure? Could be.

For a while now I've been pretty contented with my personal life as it is. P and I managed to come to an understanding about our feelings. Since then I feel happy because we're still entwined in each other's lives. We miss each other, but we don't say it. We feel it in the tone of our voices. P and I have a funny relationship. We obviously care for each other, but we aren't together. Officially or unofficially. There's still the fluttering heart when we see each other. Still the warm and beautiful moments everytime we're within each other.

The thing is its driving me crazy. Good feelings such as these are so so truly hard to find. So why are we doing this? One part of me just prefers it if this ended, but the other part of me? The other part of me actually sees her vividly in my life. Its like..picture perfect. Too scared to let go of a potentially good thing but also too cautious not to rush into uncertainty.
I play down this feeling. P will be back soon and from there we can slowly see if things work out.

"I might not come back till next year" she says.

She then proceeds to explain about her internship during the summer, holiday with friends and travel itinerary with parents. I was lost for words. All of a sudden my heart sank. We've maintained our confusing-yet-wanting relationship to a cautious extent, whereby we have our commitments in life that take first priority. So there's an understanding which makes us feel great about each other.

Last night's conversation just blew me away. Now I'm really afraid that the perfect momentum we've been maintaining just so to pass over before we can see each other again, will have taken a backseat. Sometimes, the reason we maintain our focus of such a behavior(of not exercizing our true feelings)is because we see a better time for it to happen therefore refrain. What happens now? Its the last day of May and we're talking about 6 months...minimum!

Maybe I should just move on and not linger in this love hazard. I don't know where this is headed and judging from this scenario, it doesn't look like its going to go too smoothly.
So many thoughts are running through my head. Why can't I just go with a person who is physically and mentally available here? Why is it my mind keeps telling me to go deeper, further into the unknown to find out..if I can be happy as I once was.

Just then, the phone rang and I was disconnected from my trip to La La Land.

Our elusive relationship is what propels me to want it to happen. Distance is a barrier, and true to its Thai saying -"Rak Tae Pae Klai Chid" (True love succumbs to close proximity).

Rekindling the past

Over the weekend, my mates and I dropped by a watering hole to convey our birthday wishes to a friend. I'd been there before. Lounge set up. Light music. Sofas' and comfy cushioned chairs of oak trimming. Various alcohol selections on menu. Perfect for business chats, family outings, close-knit group outings, and basically honeymoon period couples.

As I reached the second floor the music tempo was different from its usual fair. It was hard house blasting out speakers. There were at least 80 guests. He greeted us and we in turn wished him many happy returns. Then I realized it was a private party and immediately was transported back in time to my Bangkok Daze.

During my tenure as an artist-rep at a well known events management firm, I attended gazillions of private parties -drugs, alcohol, celebrities, gorgeous women, corporate bigwigs. Basically if you've been to one, you've been to all.

Why?

See, at one private party you'll meet the same people again and again at future private parties. These are the people who can't seem to stay away from the limelight.
I had the distinct pleasure to be introduced to Sonya Couling and Methinee Kingprayom -two of Thailand's best known supermodels.
I didn't last long at these parties cause I was already too knackered babysitting so-and-so who has come into the kingdom for a performance, but it looked exactly alike from my time in the city of angels.

I stood there smiling and saying hi to a few familiar faces for a maximum 20 minutes before bolting out of the noisy party. I've never seen a private party in full swing before on this island, so it was a real culture surprise in a way. But for that full twenty minutes, I was able to feel like I was back there again. How often is one able to relive the memory of the past even just as a bystander?

Rarely...

Shanne:"Is it possible for Michelle to get me a Liverpool shirt?"
I didn't even wanna ask why..
Shanne:"Maybe you could ask for me. Oh did you know Liverpool won?"
Jeremy:"I know they won. You left when the score was 0-3, remember?"
Shanne:"Ok, just thought you might like to know."

Prick was trying to wind me up cause I was cheering when Crespo hit the third. Grrr...

Cheers

I am in mourning. Milan lost. After leading 3-0 before half-time, the Italians lost their concentration in the second half and allowed Liverpool to regain their composure to square the game 3-3 and finally bringing it to a penalty shootout after the same scoreline as extra time expired.

Complacency came back and bit their arses with the semi-final clash against PSV Eindhoven a classic example. This time there was no Massimo Ambrosini. How incredibly Liverpool's usually error-prone keeper -Jerzy Dudek - kept out Shevchenko's extra time bullet header and follow up out? I have no idea. I had a gut feeling with those misses, the game looked to be swinging Liverpool's way.

Kudos to the English side for their fightback. They deserved it more than their opposition. Gerrard proved himself to be a true captain by inspiring his team to rise from the dead, and now, champions once again in Europe. I'm pretty sure my brother will be so thrilled. He left the tv room as soon as Milan scored the 3rd goal during the first half. How would that be to wake up finding your team winning the Champions League after being three goals down? Totally wicked.

Well done, Liverpool. Congratulations.

"Ben-ja-paed"

We believe in Thai culture of males in their mid twenties i.e. 25, are entering a phase in their lives. That is what we call "Ben-ja-paed". In another words, it will be a tricky period of that individual.

Currently I am in that phase and I really need to watch my step. Last night I got into an accident with a motorbike -with no headlights on. Him hitting me was bad enough but as I helped him upright his fallen machine, stepped on and broke his fallen side mirror. Great. Whether its a myth or not, I just hope I won't be subjected to seven unfortunate years.

One of my cooks explained to me in detailed that its like a make or break phase, either you hit it right or fail and fail miserably. That is why it is a strong belief one should make merit from time to time at temples. Then again, its up to individuals to believe this or not but in situation where this heritage is part of me, I'll just be very careful about my moves for the year. 'Better safe than sorry'.

Day off rant

Shit, I need to blow off some steam. On a positive note, a cigarette didn't come to mind. Funny how I thrived on them and now, I totally despise everything about it. Usually if I'm stressed out I'd go to the gym and torture the body but I've just had a late lunch so I'll let time pass for now.

The neighbours' youngest is playing the violin, one of the many musical tuitions her parents have given. Now I hear piano. Is it the school holidays?? Hmm..Usually they'll be on one of their instruments but only on the weekends and the school holidays. They're pretty decent, for their age I should say they're not bad at all.

I never learned any musical instruments during my childhood. It was mostly tennis and BB guns. A tiny regret. Wish I played the piano or the guitar. Maybe even the saxophone. I think its such a personal achievement for any guy to be able to enthral an audience, a friend, a loved one or anyone with their musical ability. Its not too late, but I haven't the luxury of time. I'll keep that in future reference.

I salute guys especially who are able to impress with their musical talents. Just seems like they had a more meaningful childhood. Mine was, just not in a musical sense.

Fish with lesser bones?

So today I had two very gorgeous patrons for dinner. One of which was at least 174cm tall, looked like a China doll with a hairstyle similar to Moe of 'The 3 Stooges'. I gave them some time to study our menu before waiting on them.

The usuals were ordered. Tom yum goong, crispy fried kang kong, mango kerabu salad and the popular, steamed Lemon fish. "Get me smaller fish. Too big cannot finish. Also find fish with less bone one".

For a moment there, one of my eyebrows rose while looking at her and trying to fathom her request. How on earth does one find a fish with less bone? I smiled as I jotted down China doll's order and went into the kitchen to translate it to my team of chefs. They were on the floor laughing at my order of such a request. I too laughed hard when those words came out from my mouth.

Being in the food business for six years, I'm not entire sure if there's anyone who could tell a fish with lesser bones. Hmm..I'll have to ask my supplier that question.

Got me thinking..

Forza Milan

I'm happy AC Milan made it to the finals of this season's UEFA Champions League. I admit they rode their luck thru both legs of the semi-finals against a fascinating PSV Eindhoven. The difference between the two sides was one took their chances clinically and the other just couldn't find their finishing touch.
I salute PSV's skipper, Mark Van Bommel for his performance and his never-give-up attitude but I couldn't accept the moaning he gave of playing better in the two legged series and to end up as the losing side. Well, Mark...in football, you don't just play 90 minutes, you play till the final whistle is blown and yes, your courageous and valiant fightback and performance were outstanding but at the end of the day if you let your guard down, you pay for it.

Credit can't be taken away from Milan for their converted chances, and also, ladyluck. It was their luck that PSV forgot their shooting boots in the first leg and lapse in concerntration in the second that allowed Ambrosini to plant a header past Gomes.
Hopefully Milan will take caution of their form when they take on Liverpool on the 25th of May. They just lost to arch-rivals, Juventus over the weekend which puts the latter in pole position to reclaim the scudetto from Milan. At least if they cease the Serie A crown, they will welcome back the Champions League trophy they secured in 2003.

Carlo Ancelotti has done a wonderful job at the San Siro by giving the opportunity to the vastly talented playmaker, Andrea Pirlo to shine. Pirlo had been languishing on the bench at Inter Milan before he was snapped up by Ancelotti and has been the mainstay of the engine room. With the emergence of Kaka, a brilliant talent who has kept Potuguese legend Rui Costa on the bench with scintilating displays has propelled the Serie A giants to familiar territory.
Milan were in doldrums when Fatih Terim took the reigns and was duly dispatched barely completing one season.

With Maldini, Nesta and Stam(when both not injured) marshalling a tight and fearsome defence, the midfield then reinforced with another protective layer in the shape of Gennaro Gattuso, a human pitbull breaking down play and distributing it to attackers with panache. In Clarence Seedorf we have another Dutch legend who has won three champions league medal with three different teams. Kaka is then given the license to roam just in front of the midfield to supply defence splitting passes to the lethal Andrei Shevchenko. The current European Footballer of the Year has been in fine form and it was he who drew first blood against PSV in the first leg of their semi-final clash.

I am however a very big fan of the Rossoneri captain, Paolo Maldini. He is undoubtedly an inspiration and is an icon at the Giuseppe Meazza. At 36 years of age, he is still a classy and competitive professional who is widely regarded as the best full-back of his era. Although not as fast as in his prime, he is still able to time his tackles perfectly and keep a tight leash on the opposite's offense. He reminds me of a typical Spartan soldier back in the Roman period. I hope Milan will win it for Maldini for all he has symbolized at the San Siro. A loyal servant who has spent his entire career at the club right from the youth setup. As a Milan tifosi(fan in Italian), I wish them the very best for this long, weary season with the triumph of the coveted, Champions League 2005.

Snatch

There was a case of snatch thef today around the restaurant. Apparently the thief had snatched a necklace off a bloke! What a genius. His accomplice fled the scene on a bike and he had to run for his life. A motorist, upon witnessing the incident gave chase in his car and as he neared the culprit, opened the driver's side door causing the robber to fall. The victim gave chase and shouted to the coffee shop just behind the restaurant for help and an entourage of hawkers and patrons stormed out to give this thief a beating he will never forget.

Apparently the daughter in-law of the coffee shop operator had her handbag snatched off her yesterday after having dinner at my restaurant. So her husband must have vented a lot of anger on this luckless thief. They certainly gave him a good beating before letting the authorities haul him away. I would have joined in but there was no room to stick my foot in. There you go, crime doesn't pay.

Shite day but great recovery

Today will go down as a rather unfortunate day for me. Since Shanne was away on business, I thought I'd be a considerate soul and pump his car with some petrol so it would save his missus the hassle of doing it on the way to work. All was fair just when I was turning off Western Rd, third in line when the first car stopped in the middle of the road! To my horror leaving me exposed to the oncoming traffic!! By the time I realized he'd stopped I crashed right into the second car. I was fuming because there wasn't any reason for him to do so. Then I realized he was from outstation(Kedah number plate, go figure) but still one doesn't stop in the middle of the road regardless of what state or country. What annoyed me was he looked back and saw what he caused and slowly drove off...Grrr!!!

Went down, apologized profusedly to the lady driver who happened to be taking her sick son to the clinic. She understood and pointed the finger at the outstation car in front of her for stopping suddenly. A quick call and her husband came to asses the damage(he being in the auto industry)and we both called our own mechanics about the price. An agreement was struck at RM240 for a broken tail light and he duly followed me to get the amount at a nearby cash dispenser. By this time, I was already running late to the restaurant, and not to mention having to tell dad I'd crashed my brother's car. I could picture his lecture already.
True enough as I was given a tongue lashing firstly for driving his car instead of mine, secondly for following too closely, and third for rushing.

Shanne was way cooler. He called from China when he'd heard about the news.
S:What happened?
J:Car stopped in the middle of the road and I couldn't jam the breaks in time
S:You ok?
J:Yeah
S:I've called the mechanic. He'll pick it up tomorrow in the morning. Don't worry.
J:Sorry...
S:No worries. Drive safe. You owe me one. See you when I get back.
J:Cheers

The damage could have been worst, but thankfully it wasn't. I rushed a bit but like many things in life it was unexpected. I was touched by his gesture. Anybody would after a tongue lashing from pops!! Guess that's pops way of showing his concern (=
From now on, I shall be keeping my distance from outstation cars...especially ones from Kedah!!

Perfect Sunday morning

The weekend went by without any nightlife activity so I managed to sleep early and got up fresh on a Sunday morning to go hiking. I'm quite pleased with the progress I've been making with a plus for quitting smoking altogether.
I managed to trek the youth park path all the way till number 10. I can't remember when was the last time I've ever been to that point..or maybe its even my first! I've always trekked to number 5 but I'm not sure about 10.

Anyways, I feel great finding a new and healthy lifestyle to live by. Gone are the smoking days, beer guzzling sessions. Jogging, gyming and hiking are to be a new curriculum. Getting fresh air, exercizing the body and mind, seeing nature, pushing oneself. I tagged along with me a camera just in case but I always think to myself as the reward to goin up -The view.
Overlooking the main part of the city, its skyscrapers, the sea and not forgetting the Penang bridge. What a sigh.

I'll always remember what dad taught me. He said if we worked really hard, they'd always be a reward at the end of your task..For me on that beautiful Sunday morning, it was this...

Penang bridge from afar

Breathtaking view at no.5

KUALA LUMPUR

My procrastination has unduely been the reason for absent blogs. So anyways, I was up in KL looking at restaurant prospects last week and realized the capital is spoilt for choice when it comes to eating. Every corner of the city has either a mamak stall/chain, coffee shops, a small scale restaurant, a joo char restaurant, an upscale restaurant, a cafe or some form or another related to satisfying one's hunger.

Seems everybody is so occupied in the rat race that they barely have time to cook! But I guess its always like that in the city. I remember how many times I cooked during my duration in Bangkok..So naturally I was happy when I came home during holidays for a home cooked meal.
Anyhows, prospects seem good altho deciding on a location is a bit of a dilemma right now. Mon Kiara seems a likely prospect eventhough rental is CRAZEE. I mean the going rate on a 400 plus square feet studio apartment is RM160,000 or RM2,000 a pop every month..quite ridiculous, but hey that's where everybody wants to be.

Traffic is just a torture. I even instructed the agent to look into getting an apartment within walking distance or, or a 5-10 minute drive. I was very specific that if you find an available lot for a restaurant, you'll also have to find an available apartment nearby. That's the deal.
One thing I can't stand in KL are the cab drivers. During my trip there, I met only ONE who went by the meter. The rest of them had the cheek to name their price to the mentioned destination. They'd rather just sit in their cars and wait for a sucker to agree to their demands, otherwise they won't budge. Come on, is that how you wanna make a living? Its a tough life mate, but everyone's gotta work hard, put food on the table and not wanting to pull your weight around. I must say, so far I've met chinese cab drivers who are sensible to go by the meters. End of the day, you get business and that's money in your pocket. I guess next time I'll have to remember to get the number of a cab company and give them a call whenever I need to move around, I don't mind being charged extra for using their service, but at least I know I'm not being subjected to extortion!

Oh well, let's see how things go...In a way, I'm bitching but I've yet to taste it firsthand, it might be a good move. But whatever the outcome, I'm definitely ready for a change of environment. Time to step up and live life.

De javu

Just before heading out to the restaurant, I heard a loud crash at the front of my gate. Pacing myself to see what was happening, I saw an uattended mountain bike right in front and some giggling voices. As I opened the gate I could see 3 young kampung boys looking from the bottom of the street. They had fear in their eyes. I motioned them to come over. Before I could even utter a word, one of the boys apologized. Obviously I had put on a stone cold face. Why shouldn't I? One of the slanting bars on the gate was bent out of its original state.

One of them was rubbing his forehead as an indication he had collided against the gate. I could see tears streaming down his face. So I asked what were they thinking? One of them replied their brakes had failed them. My house is situated on a 45 degree slope and from their story, were actually decending without any brakes whatsoever. So they decided to turn into my gate!
One part of me was furious, I mean knowing their brakes were not in order, why go down the slope? But the other part of my was a bit relieved because had they gone down that slope, they would have no way of stopping and would meet with oncoming traffic like a T-junction. Come to think of it, they could be hit by a car going either way, or crash head-on into my neighbour, Dr.Saw's wall!

I got angry, but it wasn't at my gate anymore. They were just kids, around 15 at most. I then proceeded to tell them they could have been worst off than just a few bruises. They were all looking at the ground while I lectured them, unable to contain their guilt for wrongdoing.
As I dimissed them with a warning to be careful, they all turned and said "Sorry and thank you, uncle". As I walked back into the compound, I couldn't help but laugh lightly at their remark.
I remember not long ago, I was the one courting mischief and having to say thank you and sorry to an elderly for teaching me a lesson.
Feels just like dejavu...

Today's flava on yesterday's furnicha

retroish

I was browsing thru the internet and I came across this site retrojunk.com and I was immediately transported back in a time machine to the 80's, a truly memorable period in my life. Cartoons like Denver the Last Dinosaur, Heathcliff, Transformers, ThunderCats, series and sitcoms like Quantum Leap(my all time fav), 21 Jump Street, Who's The Boss, Knight Rider and so on...I was laughing and smiling while seeing footages that were part of my childhood.

'Time waits for no man' - Aah, so true. If I look back during that time, a lot has changed in my life. Can't imagine how mankind has progressed since two decades ago. Back then we didn't have the proper usage of the internet yet. Mobile phones were on analog configuration and they were huge(The bigger the better!). Cars were in manual transmission. Tennis and friends were the only important things in my life. Girls were considered disgusting(hahaha!). My parents were still looking really young..Ok you both still do (;

These days we've managed to step up and push for the best with new technologies and innovations. Look at our built in camera mobile phones equipped with bluetooth and GPRS. Cameras going digital and able to see the outcome of the shot taken 2 seconds ago. Cars with LCD screen maneuvering during parking. State of the art laptops and PDA's. Wooweee, I say we really sprinted ahead and achieved a lot in 20 years.
Today with information just a click away on the internet, we are spoilt with so many choices. Competition is fierce with so many brands trying their utmost to gain market share for their respective fields. So in today's world, only the strongest will survive and while being the champion, one must definitely strive to maintain and/or improve to stay on top on today's ever demanding needs and wants of the human race.

I like all these new gadgetry, artsy fartsy state of the art tech goods but my style really longs for the retro styled toys. Call me different but I like it that way. Well maybe a blend of both worlds. I can still drive my beloved old skool beemer with the company of this year's Pioneer sound system collection. Yup, and I like wearing my shirts and slacks with my Converse All Stars...I see frowns...I'm just a retro boy.

This Moment Of Happiness

If happiness only lies
In a place we don't exist
And only future days
Are one’s we miss
If satisfaction never comes
And dreams are unattained
Then you sacrificed your happiness
And only you’re to blame
The moment that we’re living
Should be lived with no regret
Don't let reaching for the future
Have you to obsessed
Find happiness
While you have your health
The evidence from pleasing others is
You may not please yourself

Eleven Minutes

Maria's tale

I now pronounce you...

Its was an unusually quiet Saturday night as Krish left for his business trip to Indonesia. That left Garrick and I as Bill spent time with the missus and Alan joining the company dinner. Started out slow enough as I was dying to have some beer. We went round to some spots but everywhere seemed crowded. In the end we popped by a pub called The Torch, in Hillside area.

It seemed like a nice pub which never really drew much patrons although its been there quite some time now. Garrick settled for a mocha ice blended while I took in a couple of Coronas'. As we sat chatting by the bar, various topics came up. See we both come from different family backgrounds but we seem to share similar common sense but different points of view. Talking to Garrick will always be like having a debate, well a friendly one because our views are always different but we mostly come up with very contrasting thoughts that make each of us see it from an exterior point of view. Get it? That's probably why I like having a chat with the guy. Its coz we seem to learn from each other and expand on that thought. So now we've got not only one but two solutions to a problem! Two heads are always better than one.

One of our discussions were marriage. We're in our mid 20's and lately, we both have close friends tying the knot. We talked about how not long ago we were just happy hanging out, having a drink, looking at birds..now we're staring at the impending matrimony in about what..5-6 years time? Time flies.
First time I blinked my eye, I was born into the world. Second time I blinked I was crying at kindergarden, refusing to leave my mother's side, third -I was in high school with a lot of mischief under my belt, fourth - my first girlfriend at 18 & also a wonderful kiss...and so the story goes...

Having lived 26 years of my life on earth, its hard to believe by the next blink I'll be staring into the eyes of the woman I truly love and saying 'I do'.
I still feel like a kid, well I'm not really that old, but yet I don't really feel I'm actually in my mid 20's. At this moment, I'm contented to just work hard and play hard for what happens...happens.