Feeling better, although its an off-on kinda behavioral pattern. Had a nice farewell dinner plus chit chat with family and a good time chilling after with the crew. Bill got back from his business trip from China so it was good seeing him again. KrishakaGrumps joined up later with some encouraging news of his first posting overseas by the company in India. Really happy for him. It was time the bright lights were shown upon him. I expect to see him in Bangkok in the near future.
Took a long, slow jog this evening around the neighbourhood. Of all the times I been doing that, today was the first time I really took to the surroundings. The weather was perfect, light sun with intermittent breeze. Left, right, left right. My heart beating faster as my steps quicken. I'm going to miss all this when I'm in the big city. No more laid back lifestyle. Its all ball busting from here. Suddenly I realized I didn't entirely want to leave. However, a challenge lies ahead, so what does one do? Back away? No siree. Going to grab this opportunity with both hands. Just taking some time to absorb what I'll be missing. I don't think anyone can argue with me when I say we take almost everything for granted. When its time to part, all the good memories rush out like gushing water from a broken hydrant.
Anyways, lots of nostalgia at the moment. Last weekend was forgetful. I am however, getting thru the pain of that numbing insensation. It only enhances my believe of fate - whatever happens, happens for a reason. You can quote me on that. Getting on with life. As I know it, so does someone special in my life. I've got a world to conquer.
May the force be with me...
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Life goes on
Suffering personal losses are a real devastation in life, that goes without saying. Sometimes when its others' losses, we're not as adversely affected as they are. At most, we sympathize with their misfortune, bemoaning their unfortunate luck. Just like the 9/11, where so many were killed especially while running down the fire escape to exit WTC, or the plane that drove into the buildings' destruction with passengers seemingly knowing their fate. The tsunami devastation that wiped out some islands and its population which included holidaymakers in parts of Asia. The London bombings which took the lives of some, who heard the news of the underground destruction, then took the no.30 bus instead leading to their fated demise.
We all pick ourselves up and move on with life...in time. As the saying goes 'Life goes on'. We continue living for we are still alive, and those who perished would have wanted us to do what they won't be able to.
I too, suffered a personal loss. Devastated? Immensely. Feelings? Numb. Thoughts? Lost. I won't disclose this loss on my blog, as its a personal one that requires anonymity. I am however, writing this entry as a statement of going on living to the fullest as possible because we are, after all, still alive and potential for leaps and bounds.
Life throws us a lot of uncertainties which makes life unpredictable. Sometimes, it hits you when you least expect it. I know this devastation will blow over after some time, if I don't seem in high spirits of late, please excuse the partypooper in me. I will however try and put the saying into action because if I don't, I shouldn't have the luxury of living anyways...
We all pick ourselves up and move on with life...in time. As the saying goes 'Life goes on'. We continue living for we are still alive, and those who perished would have wanted us to do what they won't be able to.
I too, suffered a personal loss. Devastated? Immensely. Feelings? Numb. Thoughts? Lost. I won't disclose this loss on my blog, as its a personal one that requires anonymity. I am however, writing this entry as a statement of going on living to the fullest as possible because we are, after all, still alive and potential for leaps and bounds.
Life throws us a lot of uncertainties which makes life unpredictable. Sometimes, it hits you when you least expect it. I know this devastation will blow over after some time, if I don't seem in high spirits of late, please excuse the partypooper in me. I will however try and put the saying into action because if I don't, I shouldn't have the luxury of living anyways...
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Fate and its blessings
At the moment, I am sorting out for some personal effects to be sold and one of them is my wheels. Trusty Beemer, went on the papers the first day and I was flooded with calls while still in bed. Had some people all the way from KL inquiring, some nice father's asking on behalf of their sons, some rude 2nd hand car dealers and some idiots who ask about details already stated in the ad on the papers.
Was a slow Monday as I drove to the restaurant. The weathers been unbearable of late. Universal climate is somewhat screwed up. As I drive by, head turning left and right searching for a parking lot, a motorcyclist reverses and knocks into my passenger side door. I was truly annoyed.
I got down and confronted the culprit for his carelessness. He seemed old and his slow movement justified it, but I wasn't sure with his shades covering.
He was quiet as I questioned his way of compensation. At that point I began to calm down a little as he seemed rather lost for an explanation.
The thing that boiled my blood was this unassuming indian bloke walking by and telling me I wasn't supposed to enter this road. I immediately lashed back about how on earth did these vehicles managed to park the same direction and promptly told him to piss off.
At that point I almost lost the plot. My car's obviously evident dent. Target selling price will now take a dip.
Simultaneously the culprit who fender bendered my ride took off his shades to reveal an old, sickly looking bloke. He had transparent eyes that somehow looked connected to his deteriorating health.
He offered me RM50 for the damage. I said it was only good for workmanship fee alone and not the repairs. He countered he wasn't well off and was seeking free treatment from the clinic a few blocks from the restaurant. He really did look ill, however I was still seething from my misfortune and having to bear the repair costs.
I took it off him and trodded back to the restaurant. While pacing back I could feel myself trembling. It was the tremble from the sight that kept replaying in my mind. His pitiful facial expression.
As I look back at the scenario when he reached into his wallet to find a fifty, he had this look of daze. Wondering how he would be able to recoup that lost fifty for other neccessary uses.
As he handed me the bill, I could see he was close to tears.
There was nothing but flashbacks and I thought to myself about the whole incident again. Yes, he does look sickly.
Yes, the clinic he sought help was famous for its free treatment. Did I mentioned he looked frail? Everything suddenly was clear in my mind. I felt so guilty. So guilty that I was my concious was eating me up replaying the scenario over and over again.
The damage was easily ten times more but I made a decision.
I headed towards the clinic, with the nearby shops all looking at me from the earlier confrontation. They're probably thinking I'm going to demand more for the damage. I tapped the poor gentleman on the shoulder and he turned.
I say softly as a packed clinic hushed to eavesdrop. "Sir, its ok. Please use the money for your treatment. And ride carefully".
His expression changed and I will never forget his smile.
Like the ones we see from elderly people we help cross the street, or the ones we turn to say hi in our early morning jogs. I could see the people around the clinic whispering to each other while looking at me. I didn't care if it was praise or scorn. I walked out of there with my conscience clear and feeling a sense of relief. I looked back, my thoughts centered around his face, which I suddenly replaced with my dad's or even myself. I would have wanted that person to do the same too.
I am glad I did what I did. I am glad my parents instilled morality throughout my life. I am glad my religion taught me to forgive and forget. Most of all, I am glad I could make someone, with an unfortunate condition...
Smile.
Was a slow Monday as I drove to the restaurant. The weathers been unbearable of late. Universal climate is somewhat screwed up. As I drive by, head turning left and right searching for a parking lot, a motorcyclist reverses and knocks into my passenger side door. I was truly annoyed.
I got down and confronted the culprit for his carelessness. He seemed old and his slow movement justified it, but I wasn't sure with his shades covering.
He was quiet as I questioned his way of compensation. At that point I began to calm down a little as he seemed rather lost for an explanation.
The thing that boiled my blood was this unassuming indian bloke walking by and telling me I wasn't supposed to enter this road. I immediately lashed back about how on earth did these vehicles managed to park the same direction and promptly told him to piss off.
At that point I almost lost the plot. My car's obviously evident dent. Target selling price will now take a dip.
Simultaneously the culprit who fender bendered my ride took off his shades to reveal an old, sickly looking bloke. He had transparent eyes that somehow looked connected to his deteriorating health.
He offered me RM50 for the damage. I said it was only good for workmanship fee alone and not the repairs. He countered he wasn't well off and was seeking free treatment from the clinic a few blocks from the restaurant. He really did look ill, however I was still seething from my misfortune and having to bear the repair costs.
I took it off him and trodded back to the restaurant. While pacing back I could feel myself trembling. It was the tremble from the sight that kept replaying in my mind. His pitiful facial expression.
As I look back at the scenario when he reached into his wallet to find a fifty, he had this look of daze. Wondering how he would be able to recoup that lost fifty for other neccessary uses.
As he handed me the bill, I could see he was close to tears.
There was nothing but flashbacks and I thought to myself about the whole incident again. Yes, he does look sickly.
Yes, the clinic he sought help was famous for its free treatment. Did I mentioned he looked frail? Everything suddenly was clear in my mind. I felt so guilty. So guilty that I was my concious was eating me up replaying the scenario over and over again.
The damage was easily ten times more but I made a decision.
I headed towards the clinic, with the nearby shops all looking at me from the earlier confrontation. They're probably thinking I'm going to demand more for the damage. I tapped the poor gentleman on the shoulder and he turned.
I say softly as a packed clinic hushed to eavesdrop. "Sir, its ok. Please use the money for your treatment. And ride carefully".
His expression changed and I will never forget his smile.
Like the ones we see from elderly people we help cross the street, or the ones we turn to say hi in our early morning jogs. I could see the people around the clinic whispering to each other while looking at me. I didn't care if it was praise or scorn. I walked out of there with my conscience clear and feeling a sense of relief. I looked back, my thoughts centered around his face, which I suddenly replaced with my dad's or even myself. I would have wanted that person to do the same too.
I am glad I did what I did. I am glad my parents instilled morality throughout my life. I am glad my religion taught me to forgive and forget. Most of all, I am glad I could make someone, with an unfortunate condition...
Smile.
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