Monday...Blues?

I was annoyingly distracted at the restaurant of an issue that's been agonizing me this year. Due to my inability to halt a component in my system called 'feelings', I am therefore suffering the consequences. Closure has always been something I've had trouble achieving but finally rendering it as time goes by. Maybe its actually denial, rather than closure? Could be.

For a while now I've been pretty contented with my personal life as it is. P and I managed to come to an understanding about our feelings. Since then I feel happy because we're still entwined in each other's lives. We miss each other, but we don't say it. We feel it in the tone of our voices. P and I have a funny relationship. We obviously care for each other, but we aren't together. Officially or unofficially. There's still the fluttering heart when we see each other. Still the warm and beautiful moments everytime we're within each other.

The thing is its driving me crazy. Good feelings such as these are so so truly hard to find. So why are we doing this? One part of me just prefers it if this ended, but the other part of me? The other part of me actually sees her vividly in my life. Its like..picture perfect. Too scared to let go of a potentially good thing but also too cautious not to rush into uncertainty.
I play down this feeling. P will be back soon and from there we can slowly see if things work out.

"I might not come back till next year" she says.

She then proceeds to explain about her internship during the summer, holiday with friends and travel itinerary with parents. I was lost for words. All of a sudden my heart sank. We've maintained our confusing-yet-wanting relationship to a cautious extent, whereby we have our commitments in life that take first priority. So there's an understanding which makes us feel great about each other.

Last night's conversation just blew me away. Now I'm really afraid that the perfect momentum we've been maintaining just so to pass over before we can see each other again, will have taken a backseat. Sometimes, the reason we maintain our focus of such a behavior(of not exercizing our true feelings)is because we see a better time for it to happen therefore refrain. What happens now? Its the last day of May and we're talking about 6 months...minimum!

Maybe I should just move on and not linger in this love hazard. I don't know where this is headed and judging from this scenario, it doesn't look like its going to go too smoothly.
So many thoughts are running through my head. Why can't I just go with a person who is physically and mentally available here? Why is it my mind keeps telling me to go deeper, further into the unknown to find out..if I can be happy as I once was.

Just then, the phone rang and I was disconnected from my trip to La La Land.

Our elusive relationship is what propels me to want it to happen. Distance is a barrier, and true to its Thai saying -"Rak Tae Pae Klai Chid" (True love succumbs to close proximity).

Rekindling the past

Over the weekend, my mates and I dropped by a watering hole to convey our birthday wishes to a friend. I'd been there before. Lounge set up. Light music. Sofas' and comfy cushioned chairs of oak trimming. Various alcohol selections on menu. Perfect for business chats, family outings, close-knit group outings, and basically honeymoon period couples.

As I reached the second floor the music tempo was different from its usual fair. It was hard house blasting out speakers. There were at least 80 guests. He greeted us and we in turn wished him many happy returns. Then I realized it was a private party and immediately was transported back in time to my Bangkok Daze.

During my tenure as an artist-rep at a well known events management firm, I attended gazillions of private parties -drugs, alcohol, celebrities, gorgeous women, corporate bigwigs. Basically if you've been to one, you've been to all.

Why?

See, at one private party you'll meet the same people again and again at future private parties. These are the people who can't seem to stay away from the limelight.
I had the distinct pleasure to be introduced to Sonya Couling and Methinee Kingprayom -two of Thailand's best known supermodels.
I didn't last long at these parties cause I was already too knackered babysitting so-and-so who has come into the kingdom for a performance, but it looked exactly alike from my time in the city of angels.

I stood there smiling and saying hi to a few familiar faces for a maximum 20 minutes before bolting out of the noisy party. I've never seen a private party in full swing before on this island, so it was a real culture surprise in a way. But for that full twenty minutes, I was able to feel like I was back there again. How often is one able to relive the memory of the past even just as a bystander?

Rarely...

Shanne:"Is it possible for Michelle to get me a Liverpool shirt?"
I didn't even wanna ask why..
Shanne:"Maybe you could ask for me. Oh did you know Liverpool won?"
Jeremy:"I know they won. You left when the score was 0-3, remember?"
Shanne:"Ok, just thought you might like to know."

Prick was trying to wind me up cause I was cheering when Crespo hit the third. Grrr...

Cheers

I am in mourning. Milan lost. After leading 3-0 before half-time, the Italians lost their concentration in the second half and allowed Liverpool to regain their composure to square the game 3-3 and finally bringing it to a penalty shootout after the same scoreline as extra time expired.

Complacency came back and bit their arses with the semi-final clash against PSV Eindhoven a classic example. This time there was no Massimo Ambrosini. How incredibly Liverpool's usually error-prone keeper -Jerzy Dudek - kept out Shevchenko's extra time bullet header and follow up out? I have no idea. I had a gut feeling with those misses, the game looked to be swinging Liverpool's way.

Kudos to the English side for their fightback. They deserved it more than their opposition. Gerrard proved himself to be a true captain by inspiring his team to rise from the dead, and now, champions once again in Europe. I'm pretty sure my brother will be so thrilled. He left the tv room as soon as Milan scored the 3rd goal during the first half. How would that be to wake up finding your team winning the Champions League after being three goals down? Totally wicked.

Well done, Liverpool. Congratulations.

"Ben-ja-paed"

We believe in Thai culture of males in their mid twenties i.e. 25, are entering a phase in their lives. That is what we call "Ben-ja-paed". In another words, it will be a tricky period of that individual.

Currently I am in that phase and I really need to watch my step. Last night I got into an accident with a motorbike -with no headlights on. Him hitting me was bad enough but as I helped him upright his fallen machine, stepped on and broke his fallen side mirror. Great. Whether its a myth or not, I just hope I won't be subjected to seven unfortunate years.

One of my cooks explained to me in detailed that its like a make or break phase, either you hit it right or fail and fail miserably. That is why it is a strong belief one should make merit from time to time at temples. Then again, its up to individuals to believe this or not but in situation where this heritage is part of me, I'll just be very careful about my moves for the year. 'Better safe than sorry'.

Day off rant

Shit, I need to blow off some steam. On a positive note, a cigarette didn't come to mind. Funny how I thrived on them and now, I totally despise everything about it. Usually if I'm stressed out I'd go to the gym and torture the body but I've just had a late lunch so I'll let time pass for now.

The neighbours' youngest is playing the violin, one of the many musical tuitions her parents have given. Now I hear piano. Is it the school holidays?? Hmm..Usually they'll be on one of their instruments but only on the weekends and the school holidays. They're pretty decent, for their age I should say they're not bad at all.

I never learned any musical instruments during my childhood. It was mostly tennis and BB guns. A tiny regret. Wish I played the piano or the guitar. Maybe even the saxophone. I think its such a personal achievement for any guy to be able to enthral an audience, a friend, a loved one or anyone with their musical ability. Its not too late, but I haven't the luxury of time. I'll keep that in future reference.

I salute guys especially who are able to impress with their musical talents. Just seems like they had a more meaningful childhood. Mine was, just not in a musical sense.

Fish with lesser bones?

So today I had two very gorgeous patrons for dinner. One of which was at least 174cm tall, looked like a China doll with a hairstyle similar to Moe of 'The 3 Stooges'. I gave them some time to study our menu before waiting on them.

The usuals were ordered. Tom yum goong, crispy fried kang kong, mango kerabu salad and the popular, steamed Lemon fish. "Get me smaller fish. Too big cannot finish. Also find fish with less bone one".

For a moment there, one of my eyebrows rose while looking at her and trying to fathom her request. How on earth does one find a fish with less bone? I smiled as I jotted down China doll's order and went into the kitchen to translate it to my team of chefs. They were on the floor laughing at my order of such a request. I too laughed hard when those words came out from my mouth.

Being in the food business for six years, I'm not entire sure if there's anyone who could tell a fish with lesser bones. Hmm..I'll have to ask my supplier that question.

Got me thinking..

Forza Milan

I'm happy AC Milan made it to the finals of this season's UEFA Champions League. I admit they rode their luck thru both legs of the semi-finals against a fascinating PSV Eindhoven. The difference between the two sides was one took their chances clinically and the other just couldn't find their finishing touch.
I salute PSV's skipper, Mark Van Bommel for his performance and his never-give-up attitude but I couldn't accept the moaning he gave of playing better in the two legged series and to end up as the losing side. Well, Mark...in football, you don't just play 90 minutes, you play till the final whistle is blown and yes, your courageous and valiant fightback and performance were outstanding but at the end of the day if you let your guard down, you pay for it.

Credit can't be taken away from Milan for their converted chances, and also, ladyluck. It was their luck that PSV forgot their shooting boots in the first leg and lapse in concerntration in the second that allowed Ambrosini to plant a header past Gomes.
Hopefully Milan will take caution of their form when they take on Liverpool on the 25th of May. They just lost to arch-rivals, Juventus over the weekend which puts the latter in pole position to reclaim the scudetto from Milan. At least if they cease the Serie A crown, they will welcome back the Champions League trophy they secured in 2003.

Carlo Ancelotti has done a wonderful job at the San Siro by giving the opportunity to the vastly talented playmaker, Andrea Pirlo to shine. Pirlo had been languishing on the bench at Inter Milan before he was snapped up by Ancelotti and has been the mainstay of the engine room. With the emergence of Kaka, a brilliant talent who has kept Potuguese legend Rui Costa on the bench with scintilating displays has propelled the Serie A giants to familiar territory.
Milan were in doldrums when Fatih Terim took the reigns and was duly dispatched barely completing one season.

With Maldini, Nesta and Stam(when both not injured) marshalling a tight and fearsome defence, the midfield then reinforced with another protective layer in the shape of Gennaro Gattuso, a human pitbull breaking down play and distributing it to attackers with panache. In Clarence Seedorf we have another Dutch legend who has won three champions league medal with three different teams. Kaka is then given the license to roam just in front of the midfield to supply defence splitting passes to the lethal Andrei Shevchenko. The current European Footballer of the Year has been in fine form and it was he who drew first blood against PSV in the first leg of their semi-final clash.

I am however a very big fan of the Rossoneri captain, Paolo Maldini. He is undoubtedly an inspiration and is an icon at the Giuseppe Meazza. At 36 years of age, he is still a classy and competitive professional who is widely regarded as the best full-back of his era. Although not as fast as in his prime, he is still able to time his tackles perfectly and keep a tight leash on the opposite's offense. He reminds me of a typical Spartan soldier back in the Roman period. I hope Milan will win it for Maldini for all he has symbolized at the San Siro. A loyal servant who has spent his entire career at the club right from the youth setup. As a Milan tifosi(fan in Italian), I wish them the very best for this long, weary season with the triumph of the coveted, Champions League 2005.

Snatch

There was a case of snatch thef today around the restaurant. Apparently the thief had snatched a necklace off a bloke! What a genius. His accomplice fled the scene on a bike and he had to run for his life. A motorist, upon witnessing the incident gave chase in his car and as he neared the culprit, opened the driver's side door causing the robber to fall. The victim gave chase and shouted to the coffee shop just behind the restaurant for help and an entourage of hawkers and patrons stormed out to give this thief a beating he will never forget.

Apparently the daughter in-law of the coffee shop operator had her handbag snatched off her yesterday after having dinner at my restaurant. So her husband must have vented a lot of anger on this luckless thief. They certainly gave him a good beating before letting the authorities haul him away. I would have joined in but there was no room to stick my foot in. There you go, crime doesn't pay.